Dear [Manufacturer Name],
I hate you. So much. Not only is your catalog woefully inadequate, but you are forcing me to research sports and sporting equipment in order to figure out what exactly one would want to know before purchasing said equipment. I don't care if most tennis balls are pressurized or unpressurized, and I don't want to learn the standard size of footballs. I want you to tell me what size your footballs are so I can put that information in the specs and forget that football even exists. Do a better job, [Manufacturer Name]. People want to know what stuff is made of and what size it is before they buy it sight-unseen via the internet.
On a personal note, the day I buy one of your products is the day I visit a Dunkin' Donuts.*
Suck it,
A Harried Copywriter at [Company Name]
*Confession: I got a Dunkin' Donuts coffee coolatta in a pinch at the Manchester airport a few weeks ago and am sorry I know how delicious they are.
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