Shy & Afraid of Everything

I thought I'd take this opportunity to share a story about my childhood (but really to brag about how I'm a fast reader).

For reasons not interesting enough to mention, I was wracking my brain today to recall some memories from preschool. My memory is sketchy at best, so I could only come up with three or four. Each one only served to further reinforce the fact that I was easily the shyest kid alive. There was the time I was afraid to give my teacher a note about missing a day; the time I dropped one of my favorite rainbow barrettes in the toilet but was afraid to tell my mom what happened to it: you get the picture.

The one that takes the cake is when I was afraid to tell my teacher that I was finished with an assignment because I figured she'd think I was lying about my own mad skills. Everyone in the class had to read this workbook about brown bears, and we were supposed to tell the teacher when we'd completed it so that we could move on to the workbook about polar bears or some such. I finished, but was too shy to say anything so I just waited until the next person was done (it happened to be my preschool crush) and piggybacked on that. So dreamy mcpreschoolerton got all the accolades for finishing first, and I came in a false second.

Lesson: I rock hard at some things, but my overactive imagination keeps me from getting the credit I so clearly deserve.

Lame relationship analogy

I think it's time to break up with my hairdresser. We've been together for over a year, and he introduced me to sideswept bangs, so I'll never forget him. But the spark just isn't there anymore. Oh how I remember when we first started seeing one another, and how I'd feel when I left his chair -- energetic, fresh, elegant. The euphoria would last for weeks, until our next visit. But the butterflies just don't endure like they used to. I mean, this last time, I felt the urge to see a stylist the very next day -- and, even worse, a different stylist. That's how I know that it's over, and it's time for me to move on.

If you live in the greater Cincinnati area and know someone you'd like to set me up with, please leave a comment with his (or her) digits.

BSG Sugar Cookies

This post requires a huge nerd alert. The Battlestar Galactica series finale was this Friday, and a friend and I trekked up north to watch it with my brother and his equally obsessed friends. I made cookies shaped like cylon raiders (the enemy ship pictured here) to further mark the occasion.



I had a ton of green food coloring leftover from other baking endeavors, but upon reflection I should've colored these black or gray, and maybe used red sprinkles for the cylon eyes. Next time.





I used this recipe for the cutout cookies and Martha Stewart's recipe for the icing.

Unrequited love

Recent events have turned me into quite the unromantic, unsympathetic curmudgeon. I can no longer set aside my prejudices and appreciate art for art's sake (and I use the word "art" loosely, as you'll soon discover). Tales of unrequited love induce only eyerolling rather than the intended emotions.

E.g., the Katy Perry song "Thinking of You," which is always on the radio. The chorus features lyrics such as "When I'm with him I am thinking of you." I usually turn the channel right afterwards, because boo fraking hoo. Just quit wasting the guy's time and you can moon over your ex boyfriend to your heart's content. Or, go back to writing songs about pseudo lesbianism.

A (slightly) more respectable example is the movie Like Water for Chocolate. A young man named Pedro falls in love with a girl named Tita. Tita's mother denies his request for her hand in marriage -- but says he can marry Tita's older sister instead. Pedro accepts the replacement sister in order to be closer to his dear Tita. At this point, I turned it off, so I don't know if maybe Pedro eventually learns his lesson or whatever. Probably not to my satisfaction, because if I had my druthers he'd end up miserable and alone to mull over his bad choices, and the main character would find herself happier without him.

Clearly, I'm projecting, but I'm okay with that. So into the mail goes Like Water for Chocolate, and I anxiously await the next movie in my queue.

Resolution updates

Usually my sporadic blog posts are mostly irreverent-- irreverence is way more amusing than sharing one's feelings earnestly. But today I'm breaking from convention to make a sincere recommendation (and oh, who am I kidding -- to brag a little).

I'm 2 for 3 on my New Year's resolutions -- as it turns out, I'm a creature of habit and really thrive on routine. The year ain't over yet, though, and I'm still going to strive to get out of my comfort zone whenever possible.

On the brighter side, I can (tentatively, while knocking wood) say that 2009 has been way more awesome than 2008.

Specifically, my resolution to run a half marathon has been going swimmingly. I can't run the 13 miles yet, but I can run 3. It might not sound like a lot, but I could only run 0 miles when I first started, and I'm confident that I can keep building and add 10 more by September.

Now that I'm done with the bragging part of this post I shall move on to the sincere recommendation part... if you, one of my seven readers, are interested in running, I'd strongly suggest you try the Couch to 5 K program. Not to belabor the obvious, but it took me from sitting on the couch to running 5 k in only 9 weeks. I've tried running as exercise a few times before but have always given up, probably because I had unrealistic expectations -- or maybe because I had no idea what I was doing. Sticking to a training schedule has been invaluable, and I'd give this program five stars/two thumbs up/an enthusiastic rating.

The warmest feet in town

Thanks to my sweet friend Suzanne and my fabulous mother, my feet will be nice and toasty for the remainder of this chilly winter. Mom sent me some Valentine's Day socks, and Suz must've been tired of hearing (reading) my complaints because she mailed me some cushy warm slippers. Since I wasn't expecting any packages, at first I thought it was the 'thrax or maybe a bomb, but then I remembered that I'm just a humble copywriter who has relatively few enemies.



I should complain about cold feet on my blog more often.

Breaking up is easy when you have a relevant playlist

Cheesy pop and country have the franchise on good break-up songs. Here's my recently compiled playlist that's totally been helping me get through those tough last few minutes on the treadmill.

"Fighter" - Christina Aguilera
"Forgive" - Rebecca Lynn Howard
"Song For The Dumped" - Ben Folds Five
"Mowing Down the Roses" - Jamey Johnson
"So What" - Pink
"Don't Lie" - Trace Adkins
"What Goes Around" - Justin Timberlake
"Should've Said No" - Taylor Swift
"Taking Off This Pain" - Ashton Shepherd
"Before He Cheats" - Carrie Underwood
"Kerosene" - Miranda Lambert
"Gunpowder & Lead" - Miranda Lambert
"Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" - Miranda Lambert
"Cry" - Angie Aparo
"Goodbye to You" - Scandal
"Amsterdam" - Guster
"When You're Alone" - Bruce Springsteen
"Here's a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares" - Travis Tritt
"Gives You Hell" - All-American Rejects

Winter is over!

Or at least according to Target. What's a girl gotta do to get a pair of nice warm house slippers? Only last month the shoe section had an entire row of fuzzy slippers, and now, nothing.

It's only February, Target. People might still have chilly feet at night.

Fake swearing

Battlestar Galactica is easily the best show ever. I'm not usually a huge scifi fan, but if the storylines and characters are good, I can overlook the space fighting and space hookers.

I'm partway through season two, and the only fly in the ointment so far is the incessant fake swearing. Instead of saying "fuck", the characters say "frak", but they use it in the exact same way. Examples: "frak you", "did you frak her?", and "don't frak with me!".

I appreciate what they're trying to accomplish, I really do. But the word "frak" so closely resembles the queen of all swear words that it only brings attention to itself. They should've picked a completely dissimilar word, like "snarg" or "joink", so the viewers would forget that writers wish they could pen the F word, but can't.

Click here to read an interesting article about swearing.

Open letter to an anonymous work vendor

Dear [Manufacturer Name],

I hate you. So much. Not only is your catalog woefully inadequate, but you are forcing me to research sports and sporting equipment in order to figure out what exactly one would want to know before purchasing said equipment. I don't care if most tennis balls are pressurized or unpressurized, and I don't want to learn the standard size of footballs. I want you to tell me what size your footballs are so I can put that information in the specs and forget that football even exists. Do a better job, [Manufacturer Name]. People want to know what stuff is made of and what size it is before they buy it sight-unseen via the internet.

On a personal note, the day I buy one of your products is the day I visit a Dunkin' Donuts.*

Suck it,

A Harried Copywriter at [Company Name]

*Confession: I got a Dunkin' Donuts coffee coolatta in a pinch at the Manchester airport a few weeks ago and am sorry I know how delicious they are.

Haiku to my new office chair

Cushy seat, firm back.

Much anticipated; I

appreciate you.

Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business

I spend 40 hours of my week here at work, so since I'm on a roll I am going to make some career-specific resolutions.


I resolve to:

• Be more confident, Jack Donaghy style.

• Find a comfortable desk chair. This has long been my biggest gripe with my otherwise stellar employer and if I had ample back support I'd be (even more!) cheerful and productive. I tried sitting on a yoga ball for awhile, but it lost air too quickly and pumping it up was disruptive. I'm waiting on my new desk chair to arrive but if that doesn't pass muster I shall spare no expense and provide myself with a pleasurable sitting experience.

• Witness a kitty fight. Our new building looks out over an empty lot and I often see stray cats roaming around. I'd love to see an adorable cat fight, or maybe even just a cat caucus. I realize that this is beyond my control, but I shall be diligent in monitoring their goings-on.

A drama-free '09

Making New Year's resolutions is kind of unoriginal, but I still love doing it. It's an excuse to flesh out some goals, reassess one's life and strive for positive change.

My general resolution is to make 2009 more awesome than 2008, which won't be too difficult because 2008 ended in a very un-awesome fashion. My specific resolutions are as follows:

• Run! I started running last week and put myself on a training schedule of sorts so as not to give up out of boredom. I plan on running Chicago's half marathon in September with a friend (or at least the 5K). Posting these goals here will shame me into actually completing it or at least not giving up until September.
  
  
• Try something new as often as possible and at least once a week. Big new things are preferable, but even minor changes like driving a new route to work or trying a new restaurant are acceptable. I might list my new things here for accountability and more of the shame factor.

Group activity: Post your resolutions in the comments section, or tell me why you think making resolutions is lame.

Open Letter to My Next-Door Neighbor

Dear Right-Side Neighbor,

Look, man, I don't know what it's like on the West Side, but here on the East Side we do not accuse our neighbors of stealing. I'm sorry that someone snagged your Nascar memorabilia or extra-hold hair gel, but that does not give you license to inspect my packages to make sure that they are in fact addressed to me.

If only there were some sort of tracking system or way to confirm delivery. As soon as they invent something of the sort maybe you'll stop giving me the side-eye.

Regards,

Your Left-Side Neighbor

Oh clementine

I wasn't planning on buying clemmies when I set out on my weekly grocery shopping trip -- not that I was opposed, per se-- but I couldn't NOT buy these.



It's like they were marketed specifically to me. So cute.